This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
