I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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