i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
