she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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