If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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