Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
