Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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