Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
