I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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