The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize