..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
