I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
