They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
