There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
