FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
