careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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