He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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