its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
