Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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