i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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