proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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