omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
