I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
