porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
