RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
