dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
