There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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