EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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