The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
