im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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