Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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