once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
