I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
