Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my poor anus
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
