I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
