I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Michael Bay diarrhea
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
