I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
