Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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