Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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