People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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