I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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