gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
