Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
