Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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