can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
