I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
