fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Small penises have feelings too.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
