If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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