My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
