He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
