Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
