i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize