I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
