I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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