You're my little dorito
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
