so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
