Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
