My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
