I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize