i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you will always have a special place in my vag
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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