I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
