Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize