Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
