I am puke
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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