My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want nice things and good sex
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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