u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
