Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
