Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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