Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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