would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
