Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
