mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
