would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
