Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
