the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
