He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
