1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
