it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
